Brief Insanity

Something hit me that night

After I drank too much wine

I didn’t even like the taste

But something about the image of insanity

Me drinking and eating a candlelit dinner by myself,

Made me happy because it was a true projection of how I felt inside.

Broken to the point of madness.

And then as I laid on the kitchen floor

And all hell broke loose

As I told the ceiling how much I missed you

And how much it all hurt,

Because I knew the ceiling would listen and understand my screams

And would not shy away from my shaking sobs like you would.

Suddenly amidst my breakdown and the craziness,

I never felt more stable or sober.

Because I realized

You were not worth mentally breaking down over,

And the only person worth slipping into madness over,

Was if I had lost myself. And maybe I had.

It is not you I mourn, but the aftermath that caused me to find I had disappeared long ago.

I stand up and go to clean my dishes

And search for myself again,

Because that is who I want back.